Soul searching!

This seemed to be my identity,

When I thought I lost all creativity.

And so it was easier to invest time,

Although at first it was bitter as lime.

Only the trusted few saw my potential,

Even then I went at it sequential.

Made me come out of the pity hole,

Just in time to save my soul.

The one thing that gave my existence meaning,

Soon my confidence touched the ceiling.

What it has done to my self-esteem,

Is beyond explanation it seems.

So go on and invest in a creative outlook,

That will give you a start,

Much like mine.

Moon and I..

Just like in my fantasies

I looked up to see you.

Found you peeking

From behind the cloud, seeking.

Knowing that it’s me,

You show up willingly.

I can’t believe my luck,

The term relationship would suck.

But even then I would never hide you under the rug.

Forever mesmerized by your elegance I shall be,

For it is you that brings out the best in me.

Having a moment,

Just you and me, currently.

Sipping the same breath as you,

I feel lighter, mysterious too.

Is this what it is to be you?!

Taking the HighRoad..

Its never easy to take this road because of all the things that they’ve said to batter your spirits and all that they’ve done that I could never think of crossing that kind of boundary for, even if I was in my worst behavior and yet here I was trying to be as positive and callous to the chaos as possible.

Where I’m thinking ways to savor my sanity by trying to change my reaction; everything that once felt out of line is now being neutralized by the way I look at it and still that doesn’t seem to make the cut, doesn’t seem enough to get over the ongoing comments they pass in a language they think I wouldn’t understand, I truly wish now that I didn’t.

This isn’t bullying, it is also nothing I cannot handle; I’m not the kind of person who is afraid to speak my mind and yet I stayed silent when it hurt me the most.

The immediate reaction was undoubtedly anger, it seemed like the right emotion; I’d show them that I wasn’t scared of them and everyday it so happened that I’d anticipate their moves and be agitated over simpler things that occupied most of my time, energy and space.

And out of nowhere I had a revelation that, it didn’t matter, what they said or did shouldn’t matter. They were taking free space in my brain without even having to pay for the rent and what I feel ashamed to say is, it happened right under my watch!

Cleansing had to be done. I knew I was a good person no matter what they thought and nothing of what they say will change that. I’m going to continue to be the good person that I am even though it hurts. No it isn’t about standing up for myself because I can count you all the times that I did and it only resulted in anger and outrage, which is not something I want to live with when I’m blessed to have loved ones who love me for me and would even go to war for me.

It’s rightly said, those who care don’t matter and those who matter don’t care!

Hence, the highroad!

Trapped in the illusion of perception..

A lot of times our entrenching gaze is on YOU, the other person in the room, not ourselves, but you.

What did you do now? What will make you change?

People wrong you everyday but they also genuinely try to make things better but you are into a swirling loop of negativity that you forget how to get out of that perception.

Pinpointing even the smallest mistake of someone else’s just so you can feed your brain with the already brewing notion that you are the victim and they are doing it again and again just to offend you, well, you may be right but snap out of the victimhood.

We allow ourselves to think that we are entrapped and helpless but what feels like an entrapment is an illusion that is tricking us into believing all sorts of things and we obligingly provide it with more proof without even realizing the damage and the sad yet beautiful part is it is stemming right from our minds which means we are the one’s in control and can take charge immediately, all that needs to be done is realizing where we are going wrong.

Everyday when you feed a child-like brain that you are the one suffering and also are the better one amongst two because she does something that agitates you, that upsets you despite having it addressed a million times; it’ll take what you say word for word as a perfect disciple and club it all together until it erupts.

What do we say about things we do not have any control over, well that’s right, it does not have control over us. So what can be done instead?

Focus on what you can control, I’m sure all of us are aware of it but we don’t even know what we are doing before we do it. Being aware of your own thoughts and calling it out by name is the best way to bring it to your notice.

If you don’t like a certain behavior in a person, divert your attention towards what you can control — simple things like how you react or what can be done and you’ll suddenly feel that their behavior no longer bothers you.

To think of it, we all know what should be done because these simple truths are always familiar but difficult to put it to practice.

Footprint.. 👣

I want to donate money right now and this thought is definitely coming from a good place but along the way it seems to be adulterated.

I want to go out on the field and help people, in my own way, protect them from the rain but again somewhere along the way the intention of the thought has changed unknowingly.

I’ve become so absorbed about what the world will think of me if and when I do the deed that it has lost its purity. Though I know it’s a good deed and a lot of them will benefit from it and is also rewarding too as people will be there to validate it and tell me you are doing a good job but it doesn’t feel right.

When will we stop seeking for validation and do it with not good or not bad but no intentions at all.

Serving people for a cause and not for applause, serving people because we want to not because someone is watching. It’s become a far-fetched thought.

We have caged ourselves comfortably in pretentious skin that is not ready to protect our own kind without any agenda and are fine to obliviously overlook it.

How many times have you stopped yourself from doing something or did something that is right according to the people, just because people were watching or at the thought that haunts everybody these days, what will “they” think.

It is imperative that we understand what is consuming us before it is too late and what I think is consuming us is that all of us are too worried about the impressions we want to create in the mind of others and so we pretend and that changes how we see things, drawing blinds to our own pure motives.

Leave a footprint behind even if it is washed away by the sea, even if it is not recorded anywhere.

And ask yourself have we forgotten a world of selflessnesss?!

A lake like none other..

I sat there for a few minutes trusting my senses, to gather all that there is without leaving a single detail about this beautiful place so I can replay it over and over again especially during days when it’s hard to breathe even, during those sleepless nights, in between a mundane monday… firstly to calm me down as we all know nature is a stress buster and also to remind myself that there is a lot more there to explore.

I go from one lake to another and people often ask me why? Doesn’t it all look the same?

The undeniable bond I share with nature and witnessing new thing at every place keeps my curiosity bulb burning and Just like no two people are the same, no two places can be the same, you may have the same feeling but there’s always something different.

The intoxication of still water had almost put me in a dreamy slumber with no efforts at all, the worry holding frown vanishes without a prompt and as if almost in an instant mothernature’s caresses drew a smile on my face.

You know, the perks of going alone is that you can give your undivided attention to the marvelous creation. You see more, you feel more.

The exotic birds and their wings with different layouts, I can tell that they feel velvety to the touch, flying right above you, few others playfully taking a dip in throngs and in a distant I could locate one of them twirling and swirling as if part of a solo dance performance. What more could I ask for?

I wish I knew each of their names but I loved the entire show nonetheless, that I like to believe was curated for me.

It’s such a simple effect but so beneficial.
All the load that I’ve been carrying, washes away like the ashes of the dead and leaves me feeling light, lively and greatful.

– kaikondrahali lake, Bengaluru

Detour!

For as long as I remember I always hated cooking for many a reasons and no matter how much I run from it I’m pulled as if by a powerful opposing field magnet that will not let go despite the stunts I pull.

I’ve realized over the years that certain jobs you do may not necessarily equate with what you want to become and where you dream to go but nobody escapes the drill whether we like the job or not.

I never liked mentioning that I was cooking because I somehow felt it undermined my stature when I had none. (typical teenager rants- I’m glad I’m over it)

To be honest I felt lowly of the job. I know how difficult it is and it is one of the reasons I never put in much effort but I also thought it was not for me in a not so good way. It does look like I’m filled with some arrogant pride and trust me I was..

My mom on the other hand I believe is a superhero for doing all the things she does. It’s true what they say about mom’s. I’ll never be able to match up to her standards, also my biggest regret is that I never help her much in the kitchen where she needs the most help and now after years of becoming my own person I’m contemplating on what a stubborn but priveleged child I’ve been and I’m glad I’ve placated my hate for cooking. Even now I don’t love doing it, neither do I experiment with it but what has changed is that I do it with no shame and that’s the kind of growth I want to pat my back for.

No job is too small, everything teaches you what you need, to get to where you desire. So hop on the train of no shame, get to your destination and believe me if there is no deviation in the route then there is no learning.

A starry day!

I’m having those moments where the universe is making things fall in place and all I have to do is trust it. And oh boy, am I loving it?! I know it’s temporary but I’m going to stamp these memories forever in my heart. It’s a minor kick-start I need, to embrace and apply all that I have learnt, confidently.

As a resident of a touristy town, I never really understood what made this place stand out because all I could see were the same old streets, until recently. Things that I have prayed for few years back, I could see them taking shape and I’m glad that it’s happening at the time of my life where I can see and appreciate things for what it is.

Day started off at a low note, the low being waking up before usual. But I have always been up and ready for an adventure and this day assured me just that. Geared up in sporty shoes and comfortable attire, the two of us (a friend and I) left without a clue of how to reach the place we planned on going. That didn’t stop us, did it now?! Instead it rekindled the right motive, which was adventure.

Took us some time to figure out transportation. There was an available bus at 11.30am, which only served one way. That place was aloof and had no transportation facilities. Since we decided on going and were excited we thought we’ll figure out the returning part after reaching there. As we were half an hour early at the bus stop, we had to make ourselves comfortable at the sitting area, when suddenly a taxi driver arrives offering his best price.

We took it because the return fare was inclusive. Our excitement soared. The road was long and potholes were stacked at every mile. Unpleasant, and tiring journey it was.

Was it worthwhile?

It was as if I was in a foreign country; clearly way beyond my expectation from this place. I fell in love with my hometown for delivering such aesthetically pleasing visual, that had been hidden from me all these years.

Pray for what works or pray for what you want?

You want to pray for something but you know praying for others will impress the gods much more than praying for oneself. So what do you do?

Instead of asking for what we actually want, we tend to beat around the bush. Through these many years of asking and receiving we have understood that our selfish wants and needs, can only be promoted by our parents because of the inbuilt wire – the unconditional love that they nurture us with.

It doesn’t work that way with the Gods. Though he knows what we want, we do not instantly receive it; ask and you shall receive is one of the famous quotes I’ve come across while studying in a convent. Where asking becomes the prayer and the only way of appropriately communicating with the gods, is also the only way we know.

The trick that has been imbibed almost unconsciously in most of us is to pray for the other and we know, that will get us the attention, that will show the Gods that we care for another which will indirectly lead to caring for us.

Is this reverse psychology we are projecting at the Gods?

And I also know that we don’t always do this, sometimes we genuinely pray and wish happiness for the other because we love them. And there are times when we want something so bad that we use this method as a strategy.

All I want to know is, in using one of the tricks, is it going to get us in favor of the Gods. If not, then what will?

At the end of the day, it isn’t about what we want because that’s already known to the gods but how you pray that makes the difference.

Heights of joy!

I’m one of the many who no matter what cannot be idle. You’d wonder that it is not possible to be on the go always, it is not. When I’m idle you’ll see the scars of it on my mood. I get cranky, upset and even bored sometimes, to say the least. The need to make plans on a weekly basis is what gratifies my soul and extinguishes the otherwise monotonous life.

Back home, when everyone seemed busy with life, I simply would step outdoors and take a walk to the stadium to play badminton. For the most part, I did enjoy playing badminton but the walk in itself extracted no extra energy from me instead empowered me with some of it’s own. And what makes it more delightful is that, my hometown is the best place to take a leisurely walk in.

As my interests in badminton outgrew, I joined Zumba. It kept me on my toes and energised. I missed walking though and so whenever any of my friends visited town I made immediate plans of trekking. That’s how it all started. My eternal love for outdoors. I realized that it charges my draining soul and uplifts my performance.

To daze into the wild for hours, engrossed in it’s superiority, taking a deep sigh among various other beings, the trails that leave an undeniable impression on me and the destination without questioning, immerses one, in it’s greatness and also brings to light it’s own journey; that is what excites me.

Being active and being one among the wild.

Though I fall head over heels in love with sunrises and sunsets, everytime I witness it, there doesn’t have to always be one to make it worthwhile. There is an extra element of surprise or magic as I would like to call it, in the air, only visible to those who wish to see and believe.

So go ahead and believe!